I've heard the term "sandwich generation" ( young kids and aging parents, YOU in between!) and I do fit the bill logistically but until about 4 weeks ago I wasn't what you'd call "actively sandwiched"!
This morning it hit me......this morning I drove my kids to school after packing their lunches and checking on their homework, I arrived at the hospital where I fed my Dad his breakfast, shaved him and helped him have a shower, I stayed until my Mom arrived then I slipped down to the cafeteria to get my mom some lunch, after lunch I helped my dad get into bed for a nap, walked my mom to her car, got into mine to pick my kids up from school. I'm making an early dinner so I can drive my daughter to her music rehearsal, go to the hospital to help Dad with his supper, go to my opera rehearsal, slip out early to help Dad get settled for the night, come home, tuck my own kids in, grab a HUGE glass of wine and go to bed!
I don't want this to sound complaining at all. I'd do ANYTHING for my parents. They've done so much for me and my kids. I don't mind doing this.....I just hate that I have to.....I hate seeing my Dad dependant.....a man who did everything so well. I hate seeing my Mom trying so hard to be ok on her own.
My hubby's been great, doing some laundry, making some meals, helping with homework and tomorrow my sister's coming from Vancouver with an open ended return ticket....ALLELUIA!!
I guess one could look at the bright side........I'm needed, I'm useful, my nursing background has really come in handy ( it's amazing the stuff Dr's will tell you when you speak their lingo!), my kids are old enought that they help when they can and we have a health care system that does anything and everything it can to diagnose, help and treat with no thought to how much it will cost or whether or not the HMO will cover it.
My Dad has had a CT, MRI, Lumbar puncture, neuro consult, heamatology consult, oncology consult, great nursing care, top of the line meds, and NOTHING had to be approved by an HMO, and nothing will cost a dime.
If they need help at home, aids for daily living, new medications, that will be provided by our health care system. I just have to convince my parents to accept the help!!
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Yep, welcome to the sandwich generation!
Your life and scedule certainly fits the description.
I too, juggled my kids,(three daughters) marriage, my mom--who eventually moved in with us (Parkinson's and Alzheimer's--dad had already passed away), and remnants of my writing career.
I raced from dr. appointments to swim team practice, to helping another daughter study for an exam, to cutting pills and orchestrating home health care, to writing an article, to kiss the hubby and put dinner on the table..and the night was far from over. That was when mother was healthy and not in the hospital or recovering. Humor, focus, and tenacity somehow got us through.
We had help, but in the end, it takes "family" to do certain things, make certain decisions. Yes, it was hard, but I'm grateful for the experience. It showed me what "I'm made of" and allowed my family to step up and be a team.
~Carol D. O'Dell
Author of Mothering Mother: A Daughter's Humorous and Heartbreaking Memoir
available on Amazon
www.mothering-mother.com
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